The American Veterinary Medical Association defines the Human-Animal Bond as a "mutually beneficial and dynamic relationship between people and animals that is influenced by behaviors that are essential to the health and well-being of both."
What a beautiful world it would be if all dogs and their humans had such a bond. It may seem easy but there are many things that can interfere with your bond with your dog. I know first hand because, for a time at least, I had a damaged bond with my dog, Jake, that I had to work hard to repair.
My Journey with the Human-Animal Bond
I damaged my relationship with my dog, Jake, early in our relationship by using the wrong training methods. I want to save you from the same heartbreak. One of the reasons I focus so heavily on communication and compassion between dog and owner (aka: dog parent) in my work as a dog trainer for anxious, reactive and fearful dogs is because I want to keep you from making the same mistakes I did before I knew better.
I loved Jake the very second I laid eyes on him at the Northeast Animal Shelter in Salem, MA. However, I didn't realize how little I knew about dog behavior, especially the behavior of a feral dog like Jake. To say his behavior overwhelmed me is an understatement! The year was 2010, Jake was my first dog and I would not become a certified dog trainer until some years later.
In trying to "make Jake behave" I made too many mistakes in how I treated Jake. My love wasn't enough to outweigh my ignorance. What did I do that was so terrible it damaged Jake's trust in me? I used aversive training methods! I yanked on Jake's leash, shocked him with an e-collar and other things you can read about on the About page of this website.
Luckily, I trusted my gut (something I tell all my clients to do) and knew what I was doing was wrong because it didn't feel right. That's when I found positive reinforcement training and changed my ways. Not only did I change everything about how I was teaching Jake I worked hard to repair our bond and regain his trust.
The memories of having harmed him through ignorance remain with me to this day, even though Jake has been gone for a couple of years. Those memories and my life with Jake are what drive my mission to help other loving dog parents avoid similar pitfalls.
The Profound Connection Between Humans and Dogs
Humans develop deep, abiding emotional attachments to our dogs & dogs reciprocate those feelings. For dogs like Jake (and my current dog, Shadow Dawn) who are anxious, fearful and/or reactive, a strong bond with their human helps them build confidence, reducing their need for fear or aggression and enabling them to experience love and joy.
There is ongoing debate about whether dogs have a Theory of Mind—the ability to understand the mental and emotional states of others—but I firmly believe they do and I think most dog parents would agree. Theory of Mind essentially equates to empathy, allowing one to interpret another’s feelings or intentions. (For more on this concept, read this Psychology Today article.)
Bonding Benefits for Humans and Dogs
The benefits of bonding with your dog extend beyond emotional satisfaction. Petting a beloved animal has been shown to lower stress, heart rate and blood pressure. Anecdotally, any dog parent can tell you how much better they feel in the presence of their dog.
Beyond emotional benefits, caring for your dog (and most pets) increases daily activity, encourages social interaction and teaches children about kindness and nurturing. Even parents of dog-unfriendly dogs like myself, feel better connecting with other dog parents, especially when we have shared experiences.
For both humans and dogs, gazing into each other’s eyes releases oxytocin—the bonding hormone—strengthening the connection further.
Trainer's Note: Although gazing into your own dog's eyes is a good thing, it is considered impolite in the dog community to make direct eye contact with a dog you don't know well.
Dogs and the Mother-Guardian Bond
One of the characteristics we most love dogs for is their playfulness. Dogs have actually evolved to remain “puppy-like” throughout their lives and transfer their natural bond with their canine mother to their human guardian. The reverse is also true as humans release oxytocin, an important chemical in maternal bonding, when cuddling their dog. It isn't just humans who feel this, dogs also experience an oxytocin surge while interacting with their people which further deepens the bond
When you think about your dog's bond with you as the same a human child's bond, it dramatically highlights the importance of positive reinforcement dog training. If dogs bond with us as children bond with their mothers, how can anyone justify using harmful training methods like hitting or shocking? Such practices damage and even break the precious bond between dog and human, which is nothing short of tragic.
Here are 3 Signs of a Strong Human-Canine Bond
Your Dog Has Possessions: A strong bond means you see your dog as their own person with the right to their own things. Ensuring your dog has their own bed (especially when it's a respected space) toys, dishes, blankets, etc. is a great sign of a strong bond.
You Treat Your Dog Like Family: Do you celebrate your dog’s birthday and include them in family events? When you have a strong healthy bond with your dog, you want them to be there for the important moments of your life.
You Consider Yourself Your Dog's Parent: Do you call yourself your dog's mom or dad? Do you sign cards from you and your dog? If you use human labels like mom and dad and include your dog where you would a human child, you most likely have a wonderfully strong bond with your dog.
Trainer's Note: There's an interesting study on human attitudes towards pets that identified three orientations. Check it out here to see where you fall.
Some studies suggest the dog-human bond is strongest among singles, couples without children and empty-nesters because of dogs' role as surrogate children. I have to say that I've worked with many families with younger children and they love their dogs as much as these groups. This is especially important when you remember that I primarily work with dogs exhibiting severe behavioral issues.
How to Recognize a Damaged Bond
Similarly to a broken bond of love or trust among humans, a damaged or broken human-dog bond often leads to neglect, relinquishment or abandonment. In extreme cases, a damaged bond leads to abuse.
Signs of a damaged bond include:
Use of negative labels to describe the dog (e.g., “jerk”) in a serious manner.
Taking the dog’s behavior personally and reacting with frustration, anger and even violence.
Viewing the dog as “damaged goods,” unfixable or somehow "lesser" than a "normal" dog.
Spending less and less time with the dog and/or neglecting their care.
Feeling like you don't love the dog any longer.
How to Repair a Damaged Bond
The good news is, a damaged bond can be repaired when you're willing to put in the time, effort and commitment. As I mentioned earlier, my bond with Jake suffered early on due to my use of outdated and aversive training methods. Once I realized my mistake and implemented positive reinforcement training, I was able to rebuild trust with Jake and mend our bond. We spent the vast majority of our years together enjoying a close, loving and strong bond.
Trainer's Note: If you believe you do not have a bond with your dog, whether due to it being broken or perhaps never really developing, rehoming the dog may be the kindest option for everyone involved. Reach out to the rescue or breeder where you got your dog for help.
A Beautiful Life with a Loving Dog is a Privilege, Not a Right
This may sound harsh but raising a happy, healthy dog is a big commitment of your time, energy and money. Avoid the mistake I made with Jake and take the time right from day one to build and nurture a strong bond with your dog. The benefits you yield will be immeasurable for both you and your dog. Growing and maintaining a strong bond is much easier than repairing a damaged one. Training methods that rely on force, pain and/or punishment have no place in this process. Instead, focus on positive reinforcement and rewards to teach your dog, strengthen your connection and foster a life of mutual trust and joy.
Love reading your articles, Ruth. Me, Fred and Bandit will be all snuggled up in New Years' Eve. That's the way we like it too! Let's hope for a Happy, Healthy 2025! Love from Bandit, Diane and Fred