Living with a Reactive Dog: You’re Not Alone

Having a reactive dog is incredibly challenging. Some days, it feels like it takes everything out of you. You plan every walk like a military operation, constantly scanning for potential triggers and identifying escape routes. You avoid busy streets, cross the road at the sight of another dog, and brace yourself for judgmental stares—or even rude comments—when your dog barks, lunges, or growls.

The World Doesn't See What You See

To the outside world, your dog is a problem. To your neighbors, you might be an inconvenience. To strangers, you might look like you have no control.

But here’s the thing: They don’t see what you see.

You look at your dog, and all you see is your baby. You see the goofy, loving, loyal dog who snuggles next to you on the couch, who lights up when you walk through the door, who loves you with their whole heart. You know how far they’ve come and how hard you’ve both worked. And you know, better than anyone, their reactivity isn’t bad behavior - it’s fear, frustration, or anxiety spilling over in a world that often feels overwhelming to your dog.

Shadow Dawn: My Reactive Dog’s Story

My dog, Shadow Dawn, was extremely reactive to the point of aggression. She’d already experienced significant trauma before I adopted her from “death row” at just two years old on April 20, 2022.

Shadow and I worked hard together every day to reduce her fear and help her live in a human world. She loved learning and cuddling with me on the couch. She loved her ball pit and "helping" me make dinner. Inside our home, she was the sweetest, silliest girl—and I loved her with my whole heart.

Even with all our progress, Shadow Dawn still struggled daily with her fear and anxiety.

Then, on February 10, 2025, Shadow Dawn died suddenly. No warning, no clear diagnosis—just gone. She passed in my arms while I told her she was my best girl and that I loved her with my whole heart. Shadow never got to experience the world without fear. Maybe she never would have no matter how much we worked together. Now, because of her devastating loss, I’ll never know how far she could have gone toward healing.

One thing I’ve learned from Shadow Dawn’s loss is that this work isn’t about the end result. I used to picture a future life with Shadow where she might be able to do things she couldn’t do in the present. Planning is great but living in the future isn’t. What really matters is what you do every day to ease your dog’s fears and help them live their best life.

You Can Do Everything Right and Still Have Setbacks

The truth is, you can follow every reactive dog training plan perfectly, manage every situation strategically, and still struggle. Or, like me, your dog can leave you too soon and never get the chance to become all they were meant to be.

And that’s not your fault.

No matter how hard it is to deal with, sometimes things don’t work out the way you planned and it’s not your fault. Progress isn’t linear and reactivity isn’t something you can “fix” overnight. If you’re lucky, you’ll have many years with your dog to keep working together, watching their reactivity lessen and even disappear. And, even when progress is slow and there are hard days, it’s still worth it.

Ignore the Haters—Find Your Community

Here’s what you need to remember: Don’t let the few haters get you down! For every person who makes a snide comment or tugs their dog away from yours with an exaggerated huff (believe me, Shadow and I had our fair share of these), there are plenty of people who get it.

• Trainers, behaviorists & vets who specialize in helping reactive dogs.

• Dog walkers and other pet professionals who know how to handle reactivity.

• Fellow reactive dog parents who understand what you’re going through.

There are more people who have compassion for what you and your dog are going through and who want you to succeed than there are naysayers. So, ignore the negativity and focus on the people who support you. Reactive dogs deserve love, patience, compassion and understanding. And so do you!

Take Care of Yourself, Too

As you do the work of parenting your reactive dog, make sure you also take care of yourself. Do as much to make yourself feel good as you do for your dog.

✔️ Give yourself permission to rest.

✔️ Seek out supportive communities like my Facebook group for reactive dog owners.

✔️ Work with professionals who understand reactivity

✔️ Remind yourself: You’re doing your best, and that’s enough.

Because it is enough. And so are you. ❤️